Same God

I couldn't figure out Christian Union people, or as people often call them, CU people.

Their lives looked so boring and yet they seemed so happy. To me, they were cowards who were not willing to take life by its horns. People who were too afraid to do anything fun because they were trained by their parents not to. Holier-than-thou personalities who thought they were created on the seventh day and thus viewed everyone else as prophets of Baal. I would be astounded as to why they wanted to know if someone was saved before interacting with them closely - why was that important? Why did they rejoice in worship nights and in listening to sermons on their laptops instead of being obsessed with football and trap music like the rest of us? Or watch Spartacus like us normal people? Why listen to Casting Crowns over Burna Boy or Migos? They were a puzzle. They were excited when they were not supposed to be- like when they were eating biscuits with juice instead of drinking Four Cousins wine like Paul told Timothy…as some interpret scripture. They were also offended when they were not supposed to be- like when others made inappropriate jokes or conversations that I considered normal. What got to me most was how they called each other brother so and so…they would greet each other like Brother Johnson!! Brother Louis!! Praise God!! Ameen!!! …I could not understand it.

So I hated it. Because human beings hate what they do not understand. But perhaps it was the demons around me that hated them because of what they could do- open my eyes. I despised that “boring life”. I thought about getting saved many times and even knew I had to, but anytime I saw someone greet each other with“Hallelujah!!” within the greetings, I would change my mind. I was too gangster to greet people like “It is a good morning Brother Eric because Jesus woke us up!! Hallelujah! Ameen”.

That was not me. I was too proud at the time. I knew for a fact that my personality was more around the glory of man. I would rather be praised myself for flushing a bottle of vodka without diluting it.Ha-ha…my cup was overflowing in the presence of my enemies and am not talking about psalms 23. Not that I was addicted but I did like it. . Not that I was addicted but I did like it. Instead of talking about Jesus, which I thought was for those who had hit rock bottom, I was more intent on talking about Ronaldo and Messi, and Nicki Minaj’s body, or that girl walking in the road with an hour glass figure, or that socialite on Instagram where I kept dropping comments like “wow”. I would rather have argued about who was greater between Tupac and the Notorious B.I.G. I would rather have been laughing to the latest gossip and nodding to the latest hip hop music from Kendrick Lamar than be at some bible study as if life had defeated me. I would be more comfortable talking with the guys about their reckless weekend life and telling them “Wewe ni mzito!” (you are great”). Praises from my lips were reserved for those who did anything reckless- you drank for three days straight? Smoked till you passed out? Got to the exam in the last minute and managed a pass? You did not sit that exam and now your academic life is in jeopardy? You have a child you are not caring about? You are being cleverly and successfully unfaithful? You lost your job because of drugs? You drank all your savings? … “Wewe ni mzito”.

Romans 1: 32

They know that God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.

Then life hit me so hard like a baseball bat. I and all these people I called “mzito” were all struggling with depression and other issues one way or another. That is why we could not turn the hip hop off, or the weekend outings off, or the alcohol off. It was not excitement we were chasing. Many young people today are afraid of being sober or being in a silent room alone because their reality is often disappointing. But they think it is because they are music addicts- no, you are depressed. Many cannot even stand their own thoughts –their reality itself is trauma. We were running away from something. Sometimes people were running from themselves. But apparently…your heritage confines you. You could run around the world but you can never lose your identity as the child created by and for God. You can never stop depending on Him. You could never stop being Black, or African, or Kenyan either. Like the Jews returning to Israel, life has a way of returning you to your starting point that you dislike and asking you to build it up from the ashes if you want a better life. To confront your demons. To face issues instead of running.

Personally I was running away from God. I knew the Bible enough to fake my way among Christians. I could put on a mask and quote scripture with them, and even amaze them, so they never thought I was in need of deliverance. It took my born again friends and family a long time to see I had backslidden for years. My acting was self-destructive but I could not see that at the time. I could not stand going to church anymore to be reminded that the things that had come to define my happiness and my personality were sinful. I could not stand to hear that I had built social life anchored on sin and even planned a future full of sin. Now God wanted me to stop it. I was waiting to finally afford that expensive bottle and to hit those high end clubs I was always turned away from. God could wait!! (What a way to reason yet you don’t know when you will die).I had been doing sinful things for years while still recording success in many areas of life. I was making money even as a sinner and eating roast meat abundantly. Why stop now?

Then I started looking around even more closely at my life…and around at the people I titled “mzito”. These people would be so happy on Friday night and would be full of cuss words in their mouth and feeling miserable the rest of the week. Talking about “I lost my phone”, “there was a fight” …” I blacked out and did not even know we bought and ate that” …” now I have no money cos I drank it all waaah” ...” I wish I never went out, am sick”. It was a vicious cycle of resilience and disappointment.We would sit down once in a while and admit that this life was not worth it, before going out again. Vanity.

There is nothing more tiresome than listening to someone say they will quit alcohol or that they will never drink again. I have seen people make all these promises after accidents and near death intoxication and still get back up and drink some more. They even sing about swimming pools full of liquor and drowning in them. And you want to tell me hizi si madimoni? Are these not demons at work? And as you read this, this article is not about alcohol per se. Am using it as an example of godlessness. Alcoholism and drug addiction opens doors for demonic oppression though. One does not have to be addicted to be ruined by alcohol…doctors will tell you many are pregnant, dead and sick because of the decisions they made after leaving the club while drunk.

Sooner than later the band of night warriors grew smaller. Am referring to the fact that fewer and fewer people were available for escapades anymore. Some were dropping out of school. Some were sick. One hero of the night even admitted that he would hang out with us because of his stressful marriage not because he liked alcohol, or us. Everybody was one way or the other, miserable. There were voids that the crazy weekends could not fill. Even the most memorable parties would fade away from memory.

And then there would be you, alone, guilty and bitter. Angry at the weather, angry at your background, angry at your relatives, angry at everybody because everybody is a hater, angry at Mama Mboga, angry at your bank account, angry at your job, angry with your school, angry with the government, angry at Africa, angry at the Indian ocean, angry with God, angry with life,angry with yourself.

I had suffered a lot and even been attacked by a demon one night and I was awake-we wrestled with it. But I was very reluctant to surrender to Jesus despite these red flags. My turn-around moment was when I listened to this song “Nadeka” and remembered that God loved everyone and makes it rain on both the good and the wicked. I thought God hated me irreversibly. I though God had seen the last straw in our relationship. I thought I was too lost. The devil is a liar …So many people do not get saved because they think God is just waiting to throw them to hell. God loves you …yes you!!!! Turn to Him while there is still time.

So ironically, now I understand “CU People”. Now I am that “CU person”. And am calling all to be “CU people”. When I greet one of my friends, Ian, I often call him “Brother Ian” with a loud laugh. Now when I meet my family …I say “praise God” with a straight face. Life is so much easier when you are a Christian. Now am in not in the cycle of going round and round aimlessly as the years go by. Now life has purpose. Now I listen to Kirk Franklin and sing along to “Smile” and “Imagine Me” with a knowing smile. Now I can dance and sing all night during worship nights. No amount of weekend can replace the joy of the Lord that is permanent.

As a Christian, I do not waste time feeling hopeless because I carry God inside me everywhere and He goes about fixing what is wrong-money, relationships, academics, sickness and all that. One day I was stressed and I prayed to feel happy and happiness hit me like a wave in the ocean trickling down my body-out of nowhere!! You do not have to drink or smoke anything as a Christian no matter how you feel. God lifts your humble self so you are high by the most High. Being a Christian is cheap too. No addictions and no reckless expenses. After tithing, offering and alms…it is just you and your favorite food joint. Not that am saying we eat it all, but you get my point. You can finally focus on your growth and love yourself, even as you love others.

I am amazed to note that God has been with me all this time sustaining me. When you get saved your past sins really become crystal-clear every day you read the bible. Especially in Romans chapter 1 for example, everybody can see a glimpse of their past. Even envy, gossip and greed are equally bad sins, among others. But then you remind yourself that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. And that your sins are forgiven and he who is forgiven much loves much.And you start living life with a thankful heart, giving thanks with a grateful heart, giving thanks to the Holy one, giving thanks because He has given Jesus Christ His son. And now may the weak say I am strong, may the poor say I am rich. For despite any tests and trials in life, it is the same God who parted the sea that still reigns today. He is the same God saying,” All things work for the good of those who love me”. Same God, different day.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever